Saturday, August 21, 2004

Gun Registry - The Future of Canada

September 9, 2035:

After requiring all Canadians to register their guns in 2001, the Canadian Liberal government has systematically confiscated guns from the estates of all registered gun owners as they die. Antiques and other valuable guns are on display in Canada’s “Firearm Museum" in Laval Quebec. Regular firearms have been destroyed. Currently it is estimated that less than 4% of Canadians own firearms.

Canada’s beloved, elderly Prime Minister – Scott Brison - stated yesterday that "Canadians should be proud of their resolve and courage in this principled stand against violence against women and others. "

June 1, 2040

Less than 2% of Canadians own firearms. Those who do must write an annual test in French and pay a $1000. 00 fee, per firearm, per year. Those who fail to comply have their firearms confiscated.

Handgun crime in all major urban centres has skyrocketed. A full page ad, written by Liberal matriarch Sheila Copps at her retirement villa in Cuba, and published by Canada's national newsvoice - the CPC (Canadian Publishing Corporation) urges Canadians to be calm and remember that street level law enforcement is the sole responsibility of the municipalities, not the federal government. Canadians, all of whom are required to subscribe to the CPC Newsvoice, express their profound relief.

February 12, 2045:

After being in power for over 50 years and facing a growing outcry from starving and freezing Canadians, the Liberal Party has enacted legislation requiring the army and police forces to confiscate all firearms in the nation. Starving farmers are expected to resist. Failure to comply brings a minimum 10 years in jail before parole.

Prime Minister Carolyn Parish first thanked her cryogenic surgeon and then went on to thank the nation for its courage and extolled Canadian values as a beacon to the world.

April 1, 2050:

Canada announces that it is nullifying its borders and allowing any and all people into Canada. In response, the US has sealed its border with Canada and issued a declaration expressing its concern with ”Canada’s unfortunate decision”.

January 15, 2055

In Canada, murder carries with it a penalty of one year’s house arrest. Possession of an unregistered firearm brings 10 years in prison. Media sources estimate that less than 1,000 private ciizens own firearms in Canada. Canadians have grown quite accustomed to looking to government to solve all their problems and protect them.

They actually like it!

September 7, 2060:

Facing riots and uprisings in 32 states over a lack of water, wood and petroleum, and after seventy years of bad relations, the American President - George M. Bush Sr IV - declared Canada a hostile nation and ordered the immediate surrender of Canada's resources to US sovereign interests. As the American tanks rolled through Windsor Ontario, the citizens of Canada, long disarmed by their government, gathered together in their communities with their axes and pitchforks vowing to put up a valiant fight with whatever they lay could their hands on.

Bush has already excluded Newfoundland from his annexation with the comments: "You'd have to be crazy to take on those frikken Newfies".


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