Thursday, September 28, 2006

Nine Eleven, Fruit & Vegetables

Of all the 9/11 conspiracy theories out there, the one that annoys me the most is the one about OJ Simpson planning and executing the attacks. I am so sick of hearing idiots whine about the Juice. The Juice brought down the twin Towers. The Juice didn’t go to work on 9/11. The Juice is oppressing the Palestinians (don’t ask me where that one came from – I’m sure OJ couldn’t even find Palestine on a map). The Juice controls world commerce and media. The Juice this – The Juice that.

As the figurative dust settles five years after the literal stuff did, we all need to step back, get a grip and remember who it is that wants to kill us. And it’s not the Juice.

It’s a certain religion of peas. Don’t ask me what vegetables have to do with it. I just know that I hear it everywhere – The people who castrate their daughters, behead journalists and enslave entire nations in the name of their god follow a religion of peas. I guess a lot of them are vegetarians. I know they don’t like pork. Many of them refer to OJ, in a very demeaning manner, as the son of a pig. I hear they actually teach this to their children in school – that the Juice is descended from pigs. And the religion of peas certainly hates simians. I hear stories of their clerics calling OJ the brother of monkeys all the time - and not in a kind way. The religion of peas sure does hate the Juice.

Maybe it’s the vegetarian thing. You know – The religion of peas is named after a vegetable and OJ is named after a fruit. Maybe the religion of peas is fruitaphobic or something – which must not be confused with homophobic, although homosexual men used to be called fruits. Geeeez.….this is all just too confusing. No wonder there are so many Atheists in the world. Personally, I love a good Bacon sandwich in the morning with a nice glass of Juice. I used to like peas. But since 9/11, I’ve sworn off the stuff. Too many bad memories.


Blogger Canadi-anna said...

My son is an avid anti-conspiracy theorist -- I can't wait till he gets home from school so I can pass this on to him.

1:21 PM  

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