Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Don't Worry, Be Envirohappy

Wasn’t Y2K supposed to bring down western economies and topple all the evil Zionist/Christian capitalist cesspools of greed and inequity? I remember reading that Nostradamus predicted that the end of the world would occur in 2000. Or maybe it was Osama Bin Laden or something. Whatever the case, Y2K turned out to be a dud, just like all the other doomsday predictions of all the other nutcase chicken littles that litter our historical landscape.

In the 1970s we were told by many concerned scientists that all the earth’s oil would be depleted in 25 years or so and if we didn’t stop driving and start turning down our thermostats we would all suffer a horrible fate. That was almost 40 years ago. And to quote Mark Twain: it would seem that rumors of our deaths were greatly exaggerated. Huge new reserves of oil are being found every year all over the world.

And there was another false alarm in the 1970s. Newsweek ran an article on the pending global cooling crises. Honest. Back then, scientists from all over the world had joined together to warn us of a coming ice age. (Sound familiar?) Temperatures would plummit, crops would die and, then, so would we - alone and freezing in the dark. And not just the people in western Canada, as Pierre Trudeau suggested. Everyone.

Scientists, it would seem, are not at all infallible.

These days the angst-ridden, socialist scare-mongers have invented a new demon to trot out and terrify us with – global warming. Oh, excuse me, I meant “climate change”. Hell, it’s only been a few years since the capitalist-hating, white-guilt troupe first arrived on the scene with their latest scheme to bring down the west and already they’ve rebranded themselves. It’s no longer “global warming”. After all, that term actually appears to mean something and its purveyors might one day be called to task if “warming” doesn’t literally occur in the manner they predict. So, they concocted a new term that is so shifty – so oblique and shadowy in nature - that no one will ever be able to nail it or them down.

And they are clever. Unlike ‘global warming’, ‘climate change’ can’t be disproved. The climate is constantly changing. A term like “climate change” can mean something one day and something else the next. Is this year colder than last year? Run for the hills, it’s ‘climate change’. Has the temperature in the arctic been a few degrees warmer in the 1990s than in the 1980s? Egad, stock up on canned goods and dig a shelter. It’s ‘climate change’.

Yep. Climate change is the perfect concocted crisis for a liberal to hang his hat on. It can’t be proven now; and by the time it can be disproven, its purveyors will be dead of old age. They certainly won’t be dead because of non-existent global warming. Damn. There I go again. Sorry. I mean “climate change”.

Throughout its history, the earth has been going through a continuous cycle of so-called climate change. For awhile it was hot and dinosaurs roamed. For awhile it was cold, ice caps formed and mastodons trudged about. This stuff occurred naturally for millions of years before people even started burning fossil fuels. How do we know it’s not just occurring naturally now – if it’s occurring at all?

Recently I saw some pictures on the web showing how ice formations on Mars are shrinking - just like our polar ice caps apparently are now. Wow. I never imagined that the emissions from Al Gore’s limo could actually permeate earth’s atmosphere and travel hundreds of millions of miles to Mars where they could actually start a global warming (ooops, I mean climate change) phenomenon. Apparently, white Christian capitalist western democracies are not only the plague of mankind, they are also the plague of martiankind. Or, maybe solar activity has something to do with it. Naw. It’s got to be us evil white capitalists. After all, David Suzuki tells us so.

You better just believe it and buy into it 100%. If you don’t, you may just as well be a Christian in Stalinist Russia, a Jew in Nazi Germany, a epileptic in Salem, or a non Muslim in Saudi Arabia. If you doubt the religion (or ideology) of climate change, you better just keep it your dirty little secret, else you will be vilified or worse.

Environmentalism is the new gay. All environmentalists are fabulous. It’s a wonderful way to be and no dissenting views will be tolerated. I predict that, pretty soon, a new word will be introduced to us. 'Envirophobia'. Enviromentalists will be a protected group under our Charter of Rights and freedoms and 'envirophobia' will be featured in a prominent slot on Wikepedia – right beside its brothers: homophobia and islamophobia. You will not be allowed to refute or even think badly of the beliefs of environmentalists.

Already, environmentalism has permeated our consciousness and dominated the media and our education systems in a manner that rivals the spread of AIDS in Africa. And like AIDS, it’s a disease that most of its victims expose themselves to voluntarily - despite of how bad it is for themselves and their society. It’s also a lot like socialism – a mental disease that has caused nothing but misery and hardship wherever it is imposed. No wonder so may rabid environmentalists are socialists. One serves the purpose of the other. Socialism wants to crush western success; and environmentalism will crush western success.

Yep, it's a mental disorder. Why else would it be called environMENTALism?

Look, we really need to wake up. If we allow the enviroradicals to win the day, our society is doomed. Our entire civilization revolves around fossil fuels. Our food, clothing and everything else is transported by train and truck. And don’t forget, here in Canada, we live in a country that is cold much of the year. We need to burn stuff to keep warm and to power our industries.

And one more thing. Even if the purveyors of doom and gloom are right and C02 emissions are putting the planet in peril (and that’s a big if) Canada only produces 2% of the globe’s greenhouse gasses. So even if we closed half our electrical plants and factories, pulled half our vehicles off the road and cut our personal consumption in half, we would only reduce total global emissions by 1%. Meanwhile Russia, China and India, three of the biggest polluters, would continue to puff out their pollution at unchecked rates.

Maybe some Canadians would be willing to freeze in the dark while waiting for a solar powered bus to take their sorry unemployed asses to the soup kitchen, but I am not. Maybe I’ll consider it if David Suzuki, Al Gore and every envirohappy movie star in Hollywood starts driving a tiny hybrid car, moves to a solar powered bungalow and starts leading by example. Till then, they can just take their pathetic, hypocritical rhetoric and bite me.


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