Walking Along Life’s Road, Listening to Government.

“Hey, we can do that. No problem. Absolutely. Without a doubt. Yep. Definitely.

Whatever you need. Just ask. I identify with your concerns. I get it. You can count on me.

You got it. It’s done. I won’t let you down. I’ll be there for you. You can depend on me.

I understand. That is a legitimate concern. That is a priority of mine.

That load looks heavy. Here, let me carry a bit of it. There, isn’t that better.

I told you that we are here for you. We walk together. You are not the boss of me and I am not the boss of you. We are equals.

Oh, heavens. You look tired. Here, let me take a bit more of that load off your back.

Yes. You look better already, with only half the terrible load that you did before. Oh, think nothing of it. It’s my pleasure. Really.

Without a doubt we are partners. Share and share alike. Equal burdens for each of us.

My goodness. You look terrible. Fatigued. Under the weather. That load must be unbearable. Here, let me take some of that weight off your shoulders.

Ugh. Oooo. That’s heavy. Look at you, with virtually nothing to bear. And look at me. My back is breaking. And yet, I welcome the burden. You deserve a lighter load. It is your right. Why should you bend under such weight when you can let me carry it?

Here we are. On this journey together. Remember when your grandfather carried the entire load himself? Thank god we have advanced and are more enlightened today. You should feel no shame for letting me carry your load. It’s a privilege to help you out.

You look exhausted. Why do you look so laboured? Oh, yes. That small pack you are carrying. It does look heavy. Here, I already have a heavy load, a bit more won’t make a difference at all.

There now. Isn’t that a lot better. You have nothing to carry and I have it all. It’s a tough go, but I told you that I will always be there for you.

Goodness gracious, you can hardy even walk. You must be exhausted. Here, let me support you. Don't worry. Happy to do it. I don’t mind carrying you at all.

I’m getting very tired. Aren’t you glad that I am carrying you. You have no idea how heavy this is. You and all that you own. It's a terrible burden.

I’ve been thinking. You should compensate me for taking care of you and your heavy load. No. No. Don’t take any of it back. I’m happy to carry it all. But wouldn’t you feel better if you gave me a little something for helping you out?

I don’t want much. How about your children? Kids are such a bother anyway. I could take them off your hands and care for them. You could pursue more meaningful, satisfying things. Like making money. Don’t you trust me? I do so much for you already. Only a true friend would sacrifice so much for you. Surely, I would teach your children right from wrong and give them my values. And my values are your values. It’ll work out just fine.

Great. Don’t you feel better?

Only thing is, now I carry you and your children. You can't even carry yourself.

That’s OK though. After all didn’t I ask for this load and didn’t you give it to me voluntarily?

It’s sad that you now have nothing. But don’t worry. I’ll always be here to care for you, nurture you and your kids and give you everything you need. Doing that for yourself would be such an inconvenience. And you have grown so accustomed to your dependence.

Your welcome. No, honest, I really mean it. Your welcome.

Hey, remember when I said that I was not the boss of you and you were not the boss of me? Do you recall when I noted that we were equals?

Unfortunately, it would appear that a lot has changed since then. I carry everything and you carry nothing. How can you possibly suggest that we are equals? That is simply not fair. And don’t forget that I have your children.

Relax. There’s no problem. Just enjoy the freedom. Enjoy having no accountability for your own life. After all, I love you. Haven’t I freed you from the pesky responsibility and worry of caring for yourself and your loved ones? Certainly, you must love me too. I know you do.

It is as it should be. We know best. Do as we say and there will be no problems. We own you lock stock and barrel. Ask how high. Go on, ask. Good. I haven’t even asked you to jump. You are learning well. You are truly a good Canadian.”

Christmas and Global Equality

It’s almost Christmas – the season of the three ‘G’s. No, not Goodwill, Giving and Generosity, silly. I mean: Gimme, Gimme, Gimme.

Christmas is the perfect time to contemplate our pleasantly plump, overfed posteriors and our “I’m the centre of the freakin’ universe” mentality. It’s a plastic world baby. The card is god. All that we are and can ever hope to be is measured by how much we owe and how much stuff we got. And lard tunderin’ jeesis by’, we got a lot.

We are the safest, richest, most comfortable, well fed society in the history of mankind. We are also the most wasteful, self absorbed, superficial and valueless society in history. No one has ever had so much (or appreciated it less). The more we get, the more we want. Gimme, gimme, gimme. And yet, as we sip our Timmys, eat our chicken wings and watch our DVDs on our flat screens, there are billions of people in the world who have virtually nothing. They live from day to day, illiterate, eking out a living anyway they can, dying of disease, and basically living the same miserable lives my ancestors did a thousand years ago under feudal rule.

And by George, never doubt it, everything we have, everything that is important to us, depends on keeping those wretches right where they are, wallowing in poverty.

It’s the terrible truth no one dares utter. Sure, we all feel sympathy for the billions suffering in Africa, India, Asia, South America and the Middle East. We feel the knots in our stomach when we see the World Vision infomercials or see pictures of a famine ridden African village. Sometimes we even give a little bit. Maybe not much, but every little bit helps. And after all, money doesn’t grow on trees. I don’t know about you, but the dinner out, the four DVDs and the new ink cartridge for the digital photo printer pretty well tapped me out for this week.

But still, despite our scepticism and self absorbed materialism, somewhere inside, we all care. We would have to be totally soulless not to care at all (My apologies to you atheists out there. I’m sure you care too. Even if you are merely empty, barren, soulless husks whose lives have absolutely no meaning whatsoever.) Many of us would love to see every starving person have a bowl of rice, piece of meat and litre of clean water a day. And that could probably be accomplished with a little cooperation between governments, NGO's, corporations, businesses and individuals. But I wonder how many of us have actually contemplated what the total effect would be on our planet if everyone in the world had the same standard of living as us here in Canada.

We eat a lot of seafood. I don’t know about you but as I write this I have a nice bag of shrimp, an Orange Roughy fillet, a pound or two of smelt and a nice piece of Chilean sea bass in my freezer at home. (Sorry about the bass. It’s endangered, I know. But, hey, I like bass.) Last week I had a nice order of Halibut and chips at the local fish and chips place. I would suspect many Canadians eat as much if not more seafood than me. I also have fresh vegetables, fruit, canned goods and different types of meat in the house. Tell me, what do you think would happen if every single one of the 6.4 billion people on this planet sat down to the same meals as my family does in a nicely furnished, heated and air conditioned home, with full cupboards and fridge, several closets full of clothes and footwear, a car or two in the driveway and every other accoutrement of modern life.

I’ll tell you what would happen.

The oceans would be depleted of any edible life forms. The world’s oil and natural gas supplies would be gone in a matter of years. Much of the world's arable land would be over cultivated, depleted of nutrients and useless. Many trees would be cut down to build housing and furniture. With fewer trees, oxygen would be less plentiful. And, with a couple billion new cars and houses using copious amounts of fuel and electricity, the ozone layer would burn off and melting glaciers would flood the earth. The cockroaches would dance a jig on our corpses.

However, in the years leading up to our deaths, there'd be lots of stuff for us to do and many challenges to overcome as we introduce our greedy values and high standard of living to the rest of the world.

The number of industrial farms that would be needed to provide all the people of Asia, India and Africa with the same amount per capita of beef, pork and chicken as we eat here in Canada would be astronomical. What would these trillions upon trillions of animals be fed? What effect would the increased cow flatulence have on the atmosphere? Imagine how many cows would have to be raised and slaughtered to put a McDonalds in every village in the third world like we have in every town in Canada and America. Never mind "billions and billions sold". How about "quadrillions and quadrillions"? Imagine how many chickens would have to take a bath in boiling oil dressed in 11 different herbs and spices to satisfy the cravings of an entire planet for KFC. Imagine how many seven year olds would be forced into factory slavery in China to stock 10,000 new Walmarts worldwide.

It’s all fine and good to want everyone in the world to be as well fed and prosperous as we are. But once you get to thinking about it, you’ll realize that it just can’t be done. By all measures, in practical terms, it is clearly impossible.

We could, however, maybe, provide simple, adequate food, clothing and shelter for everyone if we really wanted to. And certainly this is an admirable goal. However, this is what we already do for our own poor here in Canada. And as we all know, whatever we do, it is never enough for those interest groups, leftist anarchists and compassionate socialists who continually petition to have those who make no contribution to society brought up to the same standard of living as those who do. And the same would occur with respect to foreign aid. Maybe we could provide every person in the third world with a basic standard of living. But as long as the evil, imperialist, white west continued to munch on lobster and filet mignon, watch widescreen TVs and drive nice cars, there would always be voices shouting about the perceived inequity and pleading that everyone in the world has the right to good steak, lobster, TV and their own cars. Either that, or no one does.

We need to face reality. To give us all the same living standards, we would have to climb down as many rungs on the standard-of-living ladder as the third world climbs up. We would have to give up a lot with respect to meals, belongings and comfort of life. There are some who would advocate, nay, demand, that we all make this tremendous sacrifice. To them I say, you first. After all, they eat sea food too.

The sad truth is that every underprivileged person in the world could never be brought up to the same level as the privileged. To do so, we would likely have to strip our planet until there was nothing left. Then we would all die. Sure, everyone on earth would have a nice car and a cool CD collection, but we would all still be dead nonetheless. And the extra-terrestrials who arrive here a thousand years from now would be able to identify the socialists by the smiles on their mummified faces - their dream of total equality finally fulfilled in the only way possible. After all, only in death can all people truly be equal.

Merry Christmas. Now go out and buy a homeless person a pack of smokes. Hell, make it a carton. It’s the least you can do.