Wallowing In Christmas

Christmas decorations are everywhere. In some places, they were up the day after Halloween. Almost two full months before Christmas, and we are ready to go.

I guess people want to extend the personal Christmassy feeling for as long as they can. After all Christmas is a very special time of year – a time that fills us with good cheer and benevolence. Maybe they think that they are making the feelings more poignant by pretending that it’s Christmas in early November.

Of course, the opposite is true.

It is common knowledge that the more we have, the less we appreciate what we have and the less important those things are to us.

What’s your favourite food? Imagine eating it for every meal for two whole months. Every Breakfast, every lunch, every supper and every snack in between. Then, at the end of the two months imagine having a big celebration where you serve the same blasted food for dinner. Methinks the specialness of the meal would be somewhat compromised.

Or, imagine walking through your front door two months before your birthday only to find elaborate birthday decorations all over the place. Something tells me that after living with that every day for two months, the actual birthday itself will be a wee bit anti-climatic.

Or what about hugs. What if you gave everyone a big, warm hug every time you ran into them – every co-worker, every neighbour and every new acquaintance. Something tells me that hugs would become significantly less meaningful to you.

It’s the same with Christmas.

Not only do we have to live in a culture where the real meaning of the day - forgiveness, hope and peace on earth – is buried beneath a perpetual avalanche of crass commerciality and superficiality. We have to do it for two whole months.

Some people I know don’t mind. But I do. I think most people, especially those with children, would agree that Christmas should be special. The definition of ‘special’ is:

“Surpassing what is common or usual; exceptional”

What we have done with Christmas, with our incessant wallowing in it, is to make it common, usual and unexceptional. By extending Christmas day into a two month, light filled celebration, we have made the actual day a lot less ‘special’ than it should be.

And I, for one, grieve because of it.

Orthodox Evangelical Atheists

I find atheists amusing - in a sad “see the homeless man dance a jig for a dollar” sort of way. I watch them make fun of orthodox, evangelical Christians and wonder where they find the hubris. After all, they are really not that different from one another. Both are smug and secure in the belief that they are right. Both are often inflexible and intolerant of any views that conflict with their own. Both can be close-minded and bigoted towards those who do not think like them. Yep, sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference between orthodox, evangelical atheists and orthodox, evangelical Christians.

Don’t tell that to orthodox atheists, though. They think that their disbelief in God sets them apart from believers. But it doesn’t. In fact, the opposite is true. It joins them at the hip. Atheism is a belief system based on disbelieving what believers believe. Without the people who believe, atheism would cease to exist.

It’s the sad truth about atheists – God can exist without them, but they cannot exist without God.

Hmmmm. Maybe the ‘joined at the hip’ analogy was a little off. After all, the relationship isn’t exactly symbiotic now is it? Perhaps it would be more accurate to say that atheists have a parasite/host relationship with believers. They feed off the host. The host however, could get along just fine without them.

Look, I am not a hard-core believer and I am not an atheist. I am just a man who continues to look for answers and tries to keep an open mind. However, I can’t help but feel sort of sad for orthodox atheists. Theirs is a paradoxical reality, where their faith is based on having no faith and their beliefs are based on having no belief. They believe that they do not believe. And they do not believe that they believe.

They believe that they do not believe that they believe that they do not believe that they believe that they do not believe…….that they believe……that they do not believe……Arrrrrgh! It’s a wonder their brains don’t just collapse into themselves and implode like a black hole.

Imagine standing up in public looking up at the moon and shouting that you do not believe that the moon is actually a living organism that is telepathically controlling our minds.

People would think you are nuts.

But you can stand up in public and proudly announce that you do not believe that there is a God who created the earth and who parted the red sea for Moses.

And no one would bat an eye.

Do you know why? Do you know why no one would think you are nuts? It’s because you would be denouncing something that over 2 billion people believe in.

Get it? If people don’t believe it, it cannot be denounced. If it isn’t thought to be at least a possibility, it cannot be denied. But once people believe in something, it becomes fair game.

Let’s cut to the crux of the matter – the only reason atheists exist is because Christians, and others who believe in a God, give them something to deny. Once the last believer is dead and gone, so too will be the last atheist.

Seems to me then, that atheists should be a little more appreciative of the believers. After all, without believers, orthodox, evangelical atheists would have to find something else to give their lives meaning. Personally, I recommend that they direct their skepticism towards that big, green-cheese, extra-terrestrial entity glowing in the night sky.

A Primer and Quiz for Left Wing Nutbars

How does the left-wing mind work? Or, maybe a better question is - Why is it that the left-wing mind doesn’t work?

Some people think that left-wingdom is a pathology; A mental illness that prevents the brain from processing information correctly; A psychological disorder that causes the unfortunate sufferer to have crippling episodes of self loathing, wild attacks of delusional naïveté and an irrepressible need to embrace anything and everything destructive and corrosive to their civilization. Maybe it’s no accident that the poor, unfortunate individuals who exhibit these monstrously disabling symptoms are called leftists. After all, it’s the left hemisphere of the brain that controls our ability to think logically. And, as we all know, left wingers are about as good with logic as Bill Clinton is at being faithful to his wife. That is to say, not very. Maybe that’s why they all love Slick Willie – he reminds them of themselves, nasty stains and all.

To be a left wing-dinger is to have completely and utterly divorced yourself from the real world in which you live – to inhabit some sort of mythical dream world where Iranian society is the moral equivalent to Canadian society and America the very embodiment of Satan.

Cultural relativism and Anti-Americanism, you see, are the main cornerstones of the left-wing psychology (or should I say the left-wing psychosis).

Just test any lefty you know. Say something like – “You know, America has got to be the most culturally influential nation that has ever existed. Its awesome presence is everywhere around the world – books, movies, music, TV, Coca cola….” Then, stand back and watch the lefty’s head explode. Or, maybe mention that we sure are lucky to be living in Canada, a nation founded by Christians, rather than one of those Muslim nations. Then, run away, quickly, before the bulging-eyed lefty throttles you while screaming insanely about the Crusades and pedophile priests.

Maybe you know people like that. Maybe you know people who are teetering on the edge of left wing insanity. If so, toss ‘em this handy-dandy leftwing Primer. It’s all they’ll ever need to know about being a lefty. And then some. Here we go.

Dear lefty person:

(Ah-ha, there’s your first lesson. Notice the salutation isn’t Dear ‘Mr. Something’ or, Dear ‘Ms. Something’? That’s a big no-no in lefty-land. And don’t even think about calling someone ‘Mrs’. That’s grounds for murder in some leftist circles. To be a good lefty, one must never ever differentiate between the sexes. Never say Foreman or Tradesman. It’s ‘Foreperson’ and ‘Tradesperson’. Also, note these helpful terms for future reference: ‘Personhole Cover’, ‘Personager’ (that’s an office boss type person); ‘Personure’ (that’s gender-neutral cow droppings), Huperson (Like in ‘Huperson Beings’ or the ‘Huperson Race’). And so on. Make up your own. Have hours of safe, non-biased gender-neutral family fun. Your kids will love it.)

Anyway, Here’s today’s lesson:

To be out in Left-field, you must never ever criticize any culture or ethnic group except white Christians. And you must loudly and aggressively stand up against anyone who dares suggest that western societies are in any way better than those in Africa or the Middle East. Whenever anyone dares show pride in their White Christian heritage, you must quickly come back with a scathing comment referring to slavery, colonialism or capitalist imperialism (whatever that means). If anyone dares to mention Muslims in the middle east castrating their daughters and decapitating people for converting to Christianity, you must snarl back that American foreign policy is the real cause of everything bad in the Middle east. However, should anyone express pride in being something other than white, Christian, Hetero or English, you must smile widely, show your appreciation and support, and never say anything negative in response. After all, hasn't the person been victimized enough by evil White, Hetero, Christian men already, without rubbing salt in the wound?

To be a Left-over, you must have the childlike stupidity (ooops, I mean innocence) to believe that humans have the capacity to live together in harmony and create a world where everyone is treated equally and no one has more than anyone else. To believe this, you must believe that our natural individuality, indomitable spirit and healthy egos can somehow be tamed or enslaved. Or, maybe, you’re not stupid at all. Maybe you are just pretending to be, so people will not suspect the true nature of your shriveled, vile soul. Maybe you are actually like 99% of all lefties out there who, somewhere deep inside, know the truth – that humans will never be equal and the smart and strong will always want more and get more than the stupid and weak unless they are taken down a peg or two. And, you so want to be part of the group that does the taking down, don’t you? Sure you do. All Left-overs do, deep in their conniving black hearts. It isn’t helping the poor that drives them as much punishing everyone else.

Finally, to be a true left winger you must have this inexplicable subconscious need to tear down all the things that your culture was built on – faith, family, procreation, national defense, individual pride, and freedom from undue state interference. You may not realize it because you are a lefty and your brain is addled by the pathology that grips you, but, the truth is that, you hate yourself, your skin and your culture and what you really want - nay, crave – is the destruction of your society.

Do you see yourself in any of this? Just a little maybe? If you do, you’re in luck. A team of twenty NDP experts have developed a short test that will tell you whether or not you are a left wing nutjob. And the best part is – it’s free. So, as my gift to you, here it is. Get ready to see the true you revealed. Ready set…..go.

1. If you believe that society must provide a permanent free house and lifetime welfare for everyone, even sane, able bodied people, while requiring nothing of them in return, you are a left wing nutjob.
2. If you believe that the proliferation of single mothers and fatherless children in our society is a perfectly natural development in our proudly progressive and enlightened society, you are a left wing nutjob.
3. If you believe that poverty and criminality could be eliminated if only government would spend more money on social programs, you are a left wing nutjob
4. If you constantly worry about poverty even though most welfare recipients are rather plump, have DVD players and send their kids to school in NIKE runners, you are a left wing nutjob
5. If you believe that, for the most part, poor people and criminals are not personally responsible for their situation and society as a whole must take ownership for all social ills, you are a left wing nutjob
6. If you truly believe that radical Islam is a religion of peace and no more dangerous than evangelical Christianity, you are not only a left wing nutjob, you are a dangerous delusional moron and an enemy of freedom and democracy.
7. If you are concerned about gender inequity, but only notice it when men perceivably have the advantage and say nothing when women routinely cripple men in family court, get a slap on the wrist after killing their babies, and serve jail time in country cottages, you are probably a left wing nut job. Or maybe you’re just a run of the mill feminist hypocrite.
8. If you believe that it’s a matter of employment equity for females to join the army to fight big swarthy men hand to hand on foreign battlefields but understand why they cannot compete with men in any Olympic sport requiring strength, agility or stamina, then you are either a left wing nutbar or you’ve been brainwashed to think like a mindless feminist peon.
9. If you believe that Canada would be perfectly alright with no army at all, you are a mega left-wing nutjob and should be forcibly conscripted and sent to Afghanistan for a year to shovel out latrines. As a lefty, you’d be little suited for any other military role.
10. And finally, if you believe that borders are an impingement on the dignity and basic human rights and freedoms of the citizens of the world, you are most definately a, first class, primo, left wing nutbar.

So, how’d you do? Are you a left wing nut bar? If so, peace be unto you. And remember, Jesus loves you. (Not sure if I believe in Jesus or not – but boy, does his name ever rile up the left wingdings. Oddly, the name of Allah doesn’t seem to bother them at all.)